Grace; a noun
The free and unmerited favour of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings.
I love how the dictionary defines grace as the FREE and UNMERITED FAVOUR of God. That’s exactly what grace is.
I’ve struggled with wondering whether or not I deserve the grace of God. Recently, I went through a season in my life where almost everything was falling apart. I felt like the walls were closing in and that I was just drowning. I doubted God’s existence. I doubted His unconditional love towards me and others around me. I asked the dreaded question; “is God even real?” Through this season of doubt, I allowed myself to slip away from Jesus and His love. I was angry at Him because my life seemed to be falling to pieces.
I heard a lot of people talk about how awesome God is and how He is working wonders in their lives. I wondered when Jesus was going to start showing up for me. Then it happened. On the 21st of April, Easter Sunday, horrific and devastating acts of terror hit my homeland, Sri Lanka. Living in Australia made me feel so helpless. I wanted so badly to be back home, helping or doing something to make the hurt go away. I never truly understood how grace worked until after that day. I watched, on the news, my little island home being destroyed and overcome with fear. 300 plus people died that day and more injured after the multiple bombings on Christians celebrating the resurrection of Jesus. In the depths of all this heartbreak, I saw individuals come together and demonstrate the love and grace I believe Jesus has and gives. I watched Muslim priests offer up their worship spaces to the Christians who lost their churches. I watched the Buddhist monks stand arm in arm barricading the mosques, to protect the Muslim worshippers as they worshipped. I watched civilians hand out food and water to the police officials who had been working day and night to keep the peace in the country. That is grace. In my eyes, that was Jesus’ grace.
I prayed that day, I prayed profusely that day. It had been months since I’d been able to pray, but I felt an instant burden lifted off my chest. I felt Jesus again, I felt His voice tell me that He is real and He is alive and that His grace will never fall short. I realised that by me pushing God away and by me shutting down, I was allowing myself to be vulnerable to the enemy and his forces. I was letting myself miss out on the awesome love Jesus has for me.
Hillsong United released a new live album about 2 months ago and music for me is such a big part of my life. One of my favourite songs on the album is called “As You Find Me”. The lyrics of the song got me thinking about how much Jesus loves us. “I know I don’t deserve this kind of love, but somehow this kind of love is who You are. It’s a grace that could never add up, to be somebody You still want. Somehow, You love me as You find me.” He does love me as He finds me and He loves you as He finds you. For anyone out there reading this and feeling like they don’t deserve Jesus’ love or grace, stop! I encourage you to be still and listen for His voice because He will give you rest in His grace.
AUTHOR: Vaish Nadarajah