People-watching is a pretty creepy hobby when you think about it. But hey! Somehow, we’ve managed to make it socially acceptable and that’s good – ‘cause I quite enjoy it. I particularly like watching people socialise – you can learn a lot about someone by seeing how they act around other people, especially how they act around their own. For example, you can learn a lot about a person by seeing how they treat their loved ones. This is why I love watching the way that families interact, or close friends, or couples… It fascinates me. The way you treat your own says a lot about who you are.
Speaking of, have you ever been around a group of people who made you feel super uncomfortable? I have. But here’s the thing, these people were kind to me – the outsider. But I saw the way they treated each other, I saw the way they bullied or belittled their own and it didn’t sit right. It left a weird taste in my mouth. Whenever I’m around that kind of social circle, my first thought is: dang, they seem nice but if THIS is how they treat each other, I don’t want to get any closer.
By contrast, a friend of mine once told me that his Mum became an Adventist because she spent time with an Adventist family, she saw the way that they loved each other and she wanted in – because “it reeked of something different.” There is something beautiful about a group of people who are loving from the inside-out. People who clearly love and respect each other. It “reeks of something different” and it leaks out onto everyone around them.
Conversely, there’s something off about a group of people who *only show love and respect to the outside. It’s kind of creepy when a community is super invested and interested in outreach or in loving outsiders – but they’re dismissive and degrading to each other, behind closed doors. The way we treat our own says a lot about who we are.
In John 13:35, Jesus told His disciples that if they love one-another – outsiders would see this and know that they are followers of Jesus. And then, in Acts 1:8, Jesus gave them the Holy Spirit and told them to share the Gospel… ‘in Jerusalem, and then Judea, Samaria and the ends of the earth’. First home, then outside, then on to the ends of the earth. Want to share the Gospel? This is square one: our families, our friends and our churches.
When we have that kind of love brewing in our own communities, it leaks out onto others on the outside. Always, always. This got me wondering: As Adventists, what if we learned to be kind to our own? To our own pastors and leaders and members inside the church. What if we learned to be patient with our own? To show grace to ou r own? What if we empathised with conservatives, liberals and everyone in between? Jesus died to save the lot. So, we should live to love the lot.
The love that we strive to show outsiders is the same love that we NEED to show the people that are right here with us, right now. Because fundamentally, every human being needs the Gospel, every human being needs community – and the patient, tender grace and mercy that comes with it. Even inside the church, even with all our housekeeping qualms, theological rifts and administrative scuffles.
Now, I’m not talking about some magical utopia where everyone always agrees and conflicts are always absent. But perhaps, because we’re grown, our conflicts are more mature, more constructive.
As Adventists, what if we learned to be more open-minded… towards Adventism?
What if we learned to listen in sermons, even when “we’ve heard it all before?” What if we learned to be open-minded towards the things we find familiar? Towards old bible verses and hymns and Ellen White? What if we were simply willing to learn? Instead of disengaging. What do we have to lose?
The way that we behave at home speaks volumes to the world around us. The way we treat our own – within the family – says a whole lot about who we are. For those on the outside, who’ve never met our Father, how we act directly mirrors who He is.
AUTHOR: Kemunto Ogendi,
A student, a lover of laughter and a proud sweet potato enthusiast who likes to write, sometimes.