The year that was! Anytime I stop for a moment to think about this, I get an involuntary shudder because! Man! It’s been quite a year!
At the beginning of the year I remember thinking I was ready, and I dared life to come at me; I would grab it by the lapels and show it who is boss. And boy!!! Did life come at me! I wasn’t ready, AT ALL! Life made me into a ball, it kicked me from end to end, dribbled me, tackled me to the ground, pinned me to the ground. That is NOT how I envisioned the year going.
You see, at the beginning of the year, I lost a friend. And it was so close to the 1st year anniversary of my uncle’s death. See, my uncle was the first death we ever experienced in our immediate extended family, so it hit us all… HARD. I had just arrived in the country, so I couldn’t go back home for the funeral. I couldn’t go to my friend’s either. There’s NOTHING that’s as hard as mourning alone in a foreign country, without the support of close friends or family. I mean, sure, my friends here were there for me; but it’s not quite the same. I never really did realize how badly all this affected me until I found myself in the school therapist’s office, suffering from a severe lack of concentration and dangling close on the precipice of the cliff that was depression.
All this severely affected my schooling, I contemplated throwing in the towel because I just couldn’t cope! School pressure was also building up, I was a mess! I felt my life was going up in flames, and there’s nothing I could do to quench them, but watch as they thoroughly ravaged my life, and myself. I also fell out with a very good friend at the time, which further stoked the raging flames. I was also very mad at God at the time, why He was allowing all this to happen. Why He wasn’t intervening. Why He wasn’t stepping in to alleviate my anguish. I became like a petulant child who stomps out on their parents when they are not given what they want. But praise God, that He never gives up on us nor leaves us, even when we walk out on Him. He is always there by our side, and we only need to call out to Him and He meets us where we have strayed. Thank God for His never-ending grace, love and mercy. On my end though, it was quite a journey back to God.
The year is now nearly expired, and looking back, I can testify at the top of my lungs of the faithfulness of God. I now see that it is in the umbra of our experiences, in the very heart of the darkness that sometimes encroaches and mars our experiences. When fierce troubles and doubts and despair and depression are imbued into, and pervade our situations; when we no longer feel the warmth from the rays of hope. It is in such experiences when we look back that we will truly see the hand of God carrying us through. It is from such situations that we can truly reprise again and again how faithful God is and always has been and always will be. I managed to bounce back mentally, spiritually, physically and even academically. I just finished my master’s project, and by the grace of God, I did well.
I look back, and I see how the devil can keep us so busy engrossed and entangled in our woes, that we can at times forget to “give thanks in all situations for that is the will of God concerning us”. That we forget to count our blessings. And honestly, despite everything, God has been supremely gracious to my family and I, and even my friends this year.
I got to be the auntie of the most amazing twin nieces in the world! It’s amazing how much one can love someone they’ve never met with their whole heart! My brother got a job after over 4 years of searching since he graduated. It had been such a frustrating time for him, and his faith had been severely tested, and he was losing faith, but God came through for him. My mother, father and sister also experienced different breakthroughs, and we somehow drew closer as a family, despite the distance. That has been the greatest blessing of all!
As for my friends, some passed exams they never thought they would because the semester had been just too full-on, it had drained them in all spheres of their lives. Some lost jobs and by God’s grace found new jobs within the shortest time; some had their families rocked, but God fortified them; some also battled frustration, despair and depression but conquered them all. God has just been showering blessings all around me, and I feel so privileged because I’ve done nothing to deserve such grace.
My mantra for this year has been ‘walking by faith, not sight’. I have repeated it over and over by now it is ingrained into the very essence of my being. It has pulled me through the toughest times when I was just a breath away from giving up. I feel I will carry it on into the next year, and just make it my life’s mantra. Because God is well pleased when we have faith in Him to carry us through our situations. When we can only see the card that we are dealt with and it is not so pleasant, but we trust Him anyway because He holds the whole deck in His hands. After all, did you not know that faith is the key with which we can unlock the treasures of heaven? By faith, we can order around mountains! That is the power of faith!
WRITER: Rita Kemunto Omari, attends Victoria Park Church, WA.