I recently found a list of my greatest fears that I’d written long ago. In it, were the things my nightmares were made of, so I naturally started preparing my “thank God that none of these horrible things ever happened to me” prayer, when suddenly I stopped, stunned.
My eyes moistened as I realised that most of the things on my list had actually happened quite recently. One after the other, I remembered each moment of grief, pain and loss. From bad decisions to things out of my control, they were all there on that list.
Surprisingly, I’d somehow survived every disappointment and lived through every failure.
Had you asked me at the time of my list-making, I might have told you that I could not have made it through a single one. I put a lot of thought into my expectations, so to fail at something I’d concluded I could do, is very difficult for me to accept.
My anxiety began to rise as my eyes rolled over my shortcomings and I felt small under the burden of my defeat until a new thought arose, and as I allowed it to illuminate my mind, I realised that what was once a list of my greatest insufficiency, was now a memorial. A monument of what with Gods strength, I could make it through.
I no longer see this as “a list of my failures”, but a signpost to remind myself that if He doesn’t save me from it, He’ll always pull me through it. This can be very difficult at the time, but I know it’s made me stronger, braver and hopefully, a little more faithful.
So I’ll leave you with a quote from one of my favourite Pastors, Steven Furtick.
“If God always met our expectations, He’d never be able to exceed them.”
WRITER: Angeline Tyrokomos