Re-adapting to the single life is challenging, whether you were the one to initiate the break-up or not. There’s the emotional aspect – feeling sad and crying while driving, wondering how you managed to get to work without crashing your car. There’s the disappointment of the relationship not working out and the fear of being alone.
The transition time can be hard because of reminders that are triggered from places you’ve been, mutual friends you have, the ‘usual’ from the takeaway menu at your regular Indian restaurant for date night in front of the TV. Even an item of clothing that the person really liked you to wear can make you feel emotional. Music can definitely bring up sadness and memories.
I recommend you take time to grieve the loss – and I do believe a break-up is like a loss. Take time to feel everything: anger, frustration, sadness (even if it’s directed at God, He understands and He can take it. He sees your pain and cries with you.). Take the time you need to comfort yourself, spend the day in bed, cry. Try to go for a little walk at least every day, the fresh air will help.
For the first year after my breakup, I did something for myself every month on the date of the break-up. My thought was, “Yes, I made it another month!”, and I actually looked forward to it.
These are some of the things I did:
- I got a haircut.
- I treated myself to some delicious Thai food and placed candles everywhere in the living room on a rainy night.
- I joined Aleenta Barre (the best decision I ever made).
- I bought good quality activewear for my new fitness lifestyle.
- I bought some speciality cheeses, figs and berries for a little cheese tasting at my place.
- I bought Chanel nail polish to wear when I really needed to feel a little extra nice.
- I started journaling.
- I booked a massage at Endota Spa.
- I tried a new recipe.
- I began learning a new language.
Before I knew it, a year had passed.
I healed slowly. I had to keep reminding myself that if God said no to that relationship and it had some good moments and experiences, what would it look like if and when He says yes to the right one.
I think it’s better if you can genuinely be happy and content on your own first, for yourself; and if you meet someone, that’s a beautiful bonus. I believe that people are unique, whole and complete on their own – not two halves waiting around for the other. Also, too often, many people focus on what they can get out of a relationship, instead of what they can bring and contribute to the relationship as well… It goes both ways. The intimacy, kindness, attention, being grateful to and for each other shouldn’t just end ‘when you’ve got the person.’
I have made a promise to myself to try and be content with what I have now, happy with what God has decided to bless me with now. I am trying not to compare my romantic life to those of others because we each have our own story. I am trying not to depend on my own understanding – or lack thereof – and just let go and place my heart in God’s hands.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take.
Proverbs 3:5-6
In your season of singleness: Love yourself. Learn self-contentment. Take time to heal. Be kind and gentle to yourself. Practice self-care. Think about who you were in your past relationships, who you want to be next, what you would like to alter to be better. Enjoy your total freedom. Give love to others. Pour it out.
Spend time with God. He knows what’s best ultimately. Talk to God about how you are feeling and I assure you He listens and understands. Trust in Him.
I pour out my complaints before Him and tell Him all my troubles.
Psalm 142:2
WRITER: Jennifer Appadoo