There are so many reasons why setting physical boundaries will enhance rather than limit your dating relationship, but here are just a few.
1. Maintaining physical boundaries will: protect your heart.
Proverbs 4:23 states, ‘Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.’ This is no mushy advice based on keeping your feelings from being hurt. Protecting your heart guards your life. Cloud and Townsend (2000), state clearly that ‘sex and the heart are connected.’ Today’s society loudly claims that sex can be just physical, but this is a lie. Rainey explains that ‘God created [sex] as a process of intimate communication…’(2010). 1 Corinthians 6:18 highlights that sexual sins are committed against ourselves and so are different from other types of sin. They have a deeper cost to us. God is not going to stop you from making your own choices, He does however know what will be helpful to you and wishes to spare you the pain of some of those choices.
2. Setting clear physical boundaries will: help you learn about your dating partner’s character.
How someone responds when you set a limit will reveal so much about how they view the relationship and you. If they get angry and try to manipulate you, do they care more about you or themselves? Many unhealthy relationships start when there is a lack of healthy love and respect for both individuals. Godly love, the love worth having is ‘not self-seeking… not easily angered.. always protects… always hopes, always perseveres (1 Corinthians 13: 5-7). Lewis (2008) highlights that when physical boundaries are not maintained, men in particular are let off the hook in their call to be noble; protecting and committing to a woman. If you are working towards building a relationship that will hopefully mature into marriage, setting and respecting boundaries of all kinds will help develop the kind of love that will stretch and grow rather than shatter (Thomas, 2000). Practicing purity before marriage will also help strengthen the trust between you two if the relationship does proceed to marriage.
3. Physical boundaries will: help keep your head clear to choose a good partner.
I was once asked why this issue mattered to men. “How could having sex in a caring serious relationship cause problems for them (or women for that matter)?” There are many reasons, not the least being that God does not will it for us but one other reason stands out. Sex will make you dumb. And it was designed to. In a marriage relationship, one of the functions of a healthy sex life is to call each other back to the other and to help us be blind to some of the flaws each has. This is helpful when we have already carefully studied our partner’s character and decided to commit to them for life. Timothy Keller explains how unhelpful this is before marriage, ‘sexual activity triggers deep passions in you for the other person before you have gotten a good look at him or her’(2011). Many couples end their relationships far later than they would have because it was a physical relationship. And the parting is far more difficult, painful and costly to their future relationships.
4. Maintaining physical boundaries will: protect your peace of mind and relationship with God.
If the relationship was to end tomorrow, what would you feel comfortable doing today? Picture yourself out with your family in 10 years and you run into a past boyfriend or girlfriend. What would you have no regrets about having shared in a physical sense with that person? Many married couples struggle in their sex lives because of what they shared before becoming married either with each other or with other partners. These past experiences impact our relationship with God too when we know they conflict with His will for us.
So how is any of this romantic?
God has a good plan for our romantic lives. As our Creator, He has the truth about how best to experience all the good He wants for us, and He will lead us into it if we will follow Him. He is not only the best wingman, confidant and advisor but He is the grand master of romance. He designed all the sunsets, mountain views, sweetest perfumes, and all delights known to mankind. And not only did he design them, but He made them for each one of us to enjoy.
WRITER: Chelsea Ralph, attends Lilydale SDA Church.
References:
Cloud, H. & Townsend, J. (2000) Boundaries before marriage. Strand Publishing.
Keller, T. (2011) The meaning of marriage. Hodder & Stoughton.
Lewis, R. (2008) The new eve: choosing god’s best for your life. B&H Publishing Group.
Rainey, D. (ed.)(2010) Preparing for marriage: discovering God’s plan for a lifetime of love. Bethany House.
Thomas. G. (2000) Sacred Marriage. Zondervan.