It was early one morning in November I was on my way home from a sleepover shift as a support worker when I received a call from my husband saying he was not feeling well & had gone home from work. I immediately knew something was not right. Steven (my husband) rarely had a day off. Usually two to three days a year. He also had never been sick in all the years I had known him. So this was extremely out of character for him.
I had a few stops to make on my way home. On arriving home I found Steven lying on the couch watching a DVD. He said he thought he needed to see a doctor. Again this was extremely out of character he did not like doctors. After damaging the disks in his back & requiring surgery to repair his spine. Doctors & hospitals were things he stayed away from. I knew if he was asking to see a doctor things really weren’t right.
So I began to ring around local doctors, only to be told they were not taking any new patients. So I then rang his regular doctor which was a thirty minute drive away. The receptionist asked what symptoms Steven was experiencing, tightness in his chest, tingling in his arms & generally feeling unwell. The receptionist advised us to make our way immediately to the hospital emergency department.
We followed the advice, parking in the nearby car park & making our way on foot to the emergency department. On arrival Steven spoke with the triage nurse & was rushed into the emergency ward while I was left to complete paperwork. Once the paperwork was completed I was able to join him.
He was already in a gown & hospital bed with wires hooked up to him. The nurses took blood for testing & did an ECG. Once the doctor looked at the results from the ECG Steven was rushed into one of the resuscitation bays. They continued to monitor Steven & administer some drugs. The doctors were concerned he was having a heart attack. After some more monitoring, a second ECG & the results of the blood tests came back. It was determined that Steven had already had a heart attack. Steven was transferred to the cardiology ward & the following day an angiogram was performed. One of the blood vessels leading to the heart was partially blocked & they were unable to successfully unblock it fully without risk of further damage. Steven spent a week recovering in hospital.
One night during his stay Steven’s heart slowed down so much that the nurses became very concerned & called the heart specialist in to see him. The specialist explained that if this happened again they would need to give him a pacemaker. Steven’s heart continued to beat normally for the rest of his recovery time in hospital.
We were very happy the day Steven was discharged & able to come home. I spent a week at home with him while he continued to recover before going back to work. I was very hesitant to return to work as I worried something may happen while I was gone.
Steven had been a smoker & drinker but whilst in hospital he had successfully given up alcohol & cigarettes (though was still relying on nicotine patches). The doctors had sent Steven home with a bag of medications that he was required to take morning & night.
After a heart attack patients are required to undertake a heart rehabilitation program. Steven began the program at the hospital. The nurses were happy with his progress.
Then one morning three weeks after his heart attack Steven woke, saying he was not feeling good. I asked should I call the ambulance, he said we needed to try the spray the doctors had prescribed first. He asked if I could go & get it off the kitchen bench. I returned with the spray & assisted him to take some.
Just a few seconds after he had the spray he collapsed on the bed & was struggling to breath. I cried out to God to give him back to me. I called the ambulance & they advised me to pull him off the bed & on to the floor. They asked if I could put my phone on speaker so they could keep talking to me while I followed their instructions. For some reason speaker phone would not work. The operator instructed me to begin administering two hundred compressions until the ambulance arrived.
The ambulance arrived & continued CPR on Steven. After quite some time with no change they advised me they would be stopping & I could say goodbye to Steven & sit with him as long as I wanted. The ambo assisted me to call my mum & best friend to come be with me. They also advised me that the police would need to come & take a statement from me.
The rest of the day was a whirlwind of people coming & going. My parents made calls to family & friends to inform them of Steven’s passing. My dad spoke with me about where I would like to stay that night? I decided it would be best to remain at my house, as if I left I may not be able to come back. My parents stayed with me for a week or more while I grieved & began the adjustment to the massive change in my life. My best friend would message me daily to check in on me & see how I was going.
The days turned into weeks & the weeks turned into months. The change was not an easy one to accept. It became harder as I struggled to remember the good times & I kept replaying that morning over & over in my head.
I had many questions. Why me? Why Steven? Did I do something wrong? Will I ever see Steven again (in heaven)? How do I move on from this? Why can’t I remember the good times? Where is my life heading now? What does God what me to do? Only God knows the answer to my questions.
In my times of doubt God would send me a song to pick me up and give me inspiration.
I held on to my faith in God. I began reading the bible more & trying to learn more about God’s plan for my life. Now I ask the questions. Where to from here? How can I help others that have been through similar situations? How can I make a difference in other people’s lives? How can I be a mentor to the young people & help them to find the road that God wants them to take?
I pray every day for God’s leading in my life & that He will help me to answer these new questions. That He will help me to reflect His love to the people I come in contact with.
May I continue to find hope in Jesus & strength in His word.
“Dear brothers & sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect & complete needing nothing.”
James 1:2-4
AUTHOR: Jacinda Bonifacio, attends Glenorchy SDA Church, TAS.