If we’re speaking man to man about relationships, let’s skip the clichés. Loneliness is real, and we’re not great at dealing with it. We’re not as good at making friends as women, and we struggle to maintain friendships and keep in touch with mates. Only half of us feel like we have someone to talk to or rely on when we feel lonely (Lifeline Australia, 2016). Stats show that if we didn’t have a good relationship with our dad, we’ll struggle to have strong relationships with other men (Floyd, K. 2006). 50% of men rarely talk to their friends about deeper personal issues, and a third of men don’t spend much time talking with their friends at all (Beyondblue, 2014). Men are three times more likely than women to commit suicide, and less likely to seek support (Australian Bureau of Statistics, 2011). We’re more likely to look at pornography, which makes us feel ashamed and isolated (Australian Institute of Family Studies, 2016), and a significant amount of men feel like they have no close friends at church, leading them to simply leave. A lot of us feel unsatisfied with the quality of our friendships with other men, but don’t want to appear weak or needy and simply try to bear our loneliness with stoic, ‘masculine’ pride. Now don’t get me wrong about masculinity, as a man I know there’s a great sense of accomplishment that comes with achieving something on my own, or a feeling of peace that comes when I desire solitude, but feeling lonely is neither of those things. So what can we do?
Proverbs 27:17 reminds us, ‘Iron sharpens iron, and likewise one man sharpens another’; men understand what each other are facing, so let’s have a quick look at a few Biblical bromances and see what we can learn. And to women reading this, regardless of relationship status, thank you for being interested in the struggles and needs of the men around you; your support in encouraging men to have strong relationships with other blokes is incredibly important too!
David and Jonathan. Moses and Aaron. Paul and Barnabas. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego.
It’s hard to mention one of those names without the other(s), right? But apart from being men, there’s something each of these groups has in common; they were mates who trusted God, were willing to put aside their pride and support the other in their time of need.
David and Jonathan: When David was struggling, having been constantly on the run from King Saul who wanted to kill him, ‘Jonathan went to find David and encouraged him to stay strong in his faith in God’ (1 Samuel 23:16). Jonathan would have been next in line for the throne of Israel if not for David, but instead of fighting, their mutual trust in God helped them stay best mates their whole lives.
Moses and Aaron: When Moses was afraid to speak to Pharaoh because of his clumsy speech, God sent his brother Aaron to speak for him to make up for his weakness (Exodus 7:1-2). When Aaron made mistakes later down the track, Moses was there to keep him accountable.
Paul and Barnabas: When Paul after his conversion wants to meet with the disciples for the first time, they’re scared and apprehensive, and not without reason! This man, known to them as Saul, had been chasing and trying to murder them for years, so how could they believe him? But fortunately, Barnabas stands up for Paul, sharing about Paul’s conversion, his faith in Jesus and ministry in Damascus (Acts 9:27). Through Barnabas’ recommendation, Paul is able to inspire and mentor many young Christians like Timothy who helped spread Jesus’ message around the world.
Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego: In Daniel 3, King Nebuchadnezzar set up a massive, 30 metre tall golden idol and commands all the officials of Babylon to worship it or be burnt to death. But three mates, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego stand together and declare before the king, ‘we don’t need to defend ourselves before you. If we’re thrown into the fire, our God who we serve is able to save us, and he will rescue us from your power. But even if He doesn’t, we want to make it clear to you, that will we never worship your statue or serve your gods’ (Daniel 3:16-17).
What can we learn from these bromance stories?
As men, we need strong friendships with other godly men in our lives, to encourage us in tough times, to keep us accountable, to stand up for each other, to work together in good and bad times. Men benefit a lot from recreational companionship, physically being together and doing something in common; take photos, work on a car, play basketball, eat burritos, fly drones, play games, hit the beach. Most of all keep God at the centre of it; pray together when you meet up, be comfortable sharing what’s going on in life, text Bible verses that matter to you, be honest and willing to listen when the need arises. Treat your mates how you would want to be treated, remember that it is more blessed to give than receive, and put your pride aside (or shame, don’t feel bad about contacting someone you haven’t for a while, they’ll be happy to hear from you).
Most of all, the defining string that ties all these stories together is a relationship with Jesus, without which none of them would have occurred. God might be calling you to be like Jonathan and to reach out to a friend you haven’t seen for a while who is going through a tough time. Maybe you’re a Shadrach and you need some friends to help you stand firm in the face of challenge or temptation; find some Christian mates and practice getting together to do something you all enjoy. Maybe you’re looking for spiritual or relationship guidance; after all, how can we love our partners like Jesus loves the church (Ephesians 5:25) if we’ve never seen it modelled? Ask a leader or elder at your church to meet with you and your friends; whether you’re 15 or 50, we all need a wise, faithful mentor like Paul. And most of all surround yourself with men like Barnabas, men with a faith rooted in Jesus who will challenge you but will always have your back.
AUTHOR: Bradley Martin