Relationships of all forms teach us a lot about love. Not just the dating kind, but all forms – friends, family, work colleagues and God. As I reflect on what I have learnt about love over the years, I can’t help but reflect on the things that certain relationships have taught me about what it isn’t, too.
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SURROUND YOURSELF WITH PEOPLE WHO CHEER FOR YOU
Love is: having a network of people who support you. Your circle needs to encourage you, but most importantly, they need to clap for you even when you aren’t looking. They aren’t threatened by your success. Instead, they want to celebrate both the small and big things with you.
Love isn’t: holding onto toxic relationships because you’re scared to lose them. Anyone who makes you feel unnecessarily bad doesn’t deserve your attention. If you aren’t happy when you are with them, then walk away.
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SURPRISES ARE FUN, UNLESS IT INVOLVES FEELINGS
Love is: communicating about everything, even when it hurts. Relationship breakups are never fun. Whether it’s a friend you have had since high-school or a partner that you’ve been dating for years; there are almost always tears. And there is almost always one person that hurts more than the other.
This is usually because the communication breaks and one person falls out of love with the other. A breakup of this kind is difficult because only half the relationship has fractured. One friend was still invested, while the other stopped trying. One partner was still madly in love, while the other had lost feelings altogether.
Love isn’t: waiting until the other person starts feeling the same way as you. It’s not about hiding your feelings and surprising them with a bombshell before you walk away. Love isn’t passive, it doesn’t hope that things will go away and fix themselves. Instead, love actively seeks the opportunity to be open and honest.
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ACKNOWLEDGE THAT IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO
Love is: feeling like the relationship is effortless – not in the sense that the effort is less, but because there is an equal tug of the rope from both ends that it feels mutual. You shouldn’t feel like you are doing all the work, and neither should they.
Love isn’t: sitting back and not trying, or always waiting for them. It’s about acknowledging that it takes two to make a relationship work – in whatever form it may be. If you are the only one trying, then seriously consider whether you want to hold on or walk away.
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APOLOGISE, BUT ONLY FOR THE RIGHT THINGS
Love is: recognising when you are in the wrong. It’s acknowledging when you have jumped the gun, assumed something incorrectly or said something way out of line. Love is knowing how powerful an apology is and not being scared to say sorry when necessary.
Love isn’t: apologising for what makes you you. A person who loves you shouldn’t make you change yourself just to please them. Your happiness should not be wholly dependent on someone else. Rather, your worth and value should be firmly rooted in your identity with God.
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KNOWING WHEN IT’S TIME TO MOVE ON
Love is: recognising that the people we encounter and connect with can be one of two things: a message in a bottle or an anchor. They either come into your life merely to teach you a lesson, then just as quickly, they drift, moving on to be picked up by someone else. Or they support, love and encourage you, firmly holding you when your seas get rough.
Love isn’t: convincing someone to stay. You deserve something that you don’t have to question. Sometimes, their indecision is a decision in itself. There will be ups and downs, but know when the lows are outweighing the highs.
Relationships are important parts of life. Honestly, I truly believe it’s the reason we were placed on this Earth. Our purpose is to love one another just like Jesus loved us.
So I want you to remember that while we throw around the word ‘love’ like there’s no tomorrow, Jesus’ love is far from cliché.
“I love chocolate!”
“I absolutely love your haircut!”
“I love my family!”
And then…Jesus loves us.
There’s one small word that is used in all of the above and yet the capacity for His love is so much greater than we could ever imagine. I encourage you to never forget the agape love that Jesus has for us.
Keep smiling. x
AUTHOR: Jessica Shipton, attends Kellyville Seventh-day Adventist Church.