I want to speak to you from the perspective of someone who is recently engaged; & I wonder if anyone reading this is a young adult or older and thinking they’ve missed the boat because they’re not married yet.
My mid-20s & onwards have been some of the best years of my life. I became established in my career, bought a house, have nearly finished my Masters, lost a stack of weight, travelled the world, & continued to deepen & strengthen my relationship with God.
Many of my friends were so keen to find a companion that they chose to drop the ‘Will lead me closer to Christ’ off their criteria. They reasoned that they had so many other things in common with their partner & that they could love him into the church (and there is evidence of where this does happen). But the reality of a stronger pull out of the church exists for those who seek the company of one who ticks every box except the God-box.
How important is that God-box for you?
How much do you believe Jesus’ words, “Seek first His Kingdom & His righteousness, & all these things will be added unto you”? (Matthew 6.33)
Seek God First
Your number one relationship must be with Jesus.
It is not a sin to desire companionship. God in His righteousness created that desire within you.
“It is not good for man to be alone,” God said. “I will make a helper suitable for him”
Gen 2:18
Answer me this, who will make you a helper? ________
And will God’s choice beat yours in terms of complementing your character, goals & passions? _________
Before seeking a relationship with a human, seek a living & breathing one with God. And then, you actually don’t seek your own relationship – read the last part of Matthew 6:33 again.
Turn with me now to one of my favourite passages in Jeremiah 3:14-15,
“Return, faithless people,” declares the Lord, “for I am your Husband… I will give you shepherds after My own heart, who will lead you with knowledge & understanding.”
“Return,” declares the Lord… “for I am your Husband (wow). I (who?!) will give you shepherds (to guide & protect you) after My own heart (not your heart, or heaven-forbid his own heart), who will lead you with knowledge & understanding (Amen!).”
Our Youth Director & his wife have been taking my fiancé and I through pre-marital counselling over the last few months & we’ve been studying Ephesians 5. It talks about submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ (v.21). Check out this Biblical counsel given to us in v.25-27,
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church & gave Himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the Word, & to present her to Himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy & blameless.”
Washing with the word…
How do you wash your girlfriend or fiancé with the Word? You would read your Bible together & get on your knees beside each other in prayer.
And what are you washing away? All the junk she’s coming into this relationship with… All the previous baggage of guilt, shame & distrust that’s built up from past relationships. Washing her… whiter than snow (Ps 51.7).
Shepherds, after His own heart…
I praise the living God that without scraping the bottom of any barrel, He has brought into my life a shepherd after God’s own heart; one who is leading me (& soon the family we’ll build together) with both knowledge & understanding.
So as you seek a life-long companion, may you pursue one who will shepherd your heart, wash you with the Word, and who will lead you closer to Christ.
WRITER: Erin Raethel