Whether you’re in a relationship or considering entering one, thinking of getting married or can’t seem to meet anyone worthwhile, whatever your relationship status is, I challenge you with this question: Are you really ready for love? I wonder if you have actually considered your motive for wanting to enter a lifelong relationship. What exactly is it that you are asking of God when you request for Him to send someone your way, and how do you know if they are meant for you or if you are just rushing in? If you don’t quite know, consider these five motivators that might be a stumbling block to your relationship readiness:
Loneliness:
Ask yourself, ‘Am I wanting to enter a relationship because I feel lonely?’, and if the answer is yes, perhaps consider some reasons why you might be feeling this way. It might be that you need to connect with other humans on a deeper level, by establishing meaningful friendships in keeping good character (Prov 13:20, 27:17, 17:7, Ecc 4:9-10). Try new hobbies and joining recreational groups, and ask some tougher questions to help you discern whom you should connect with. God designed us to be social creatures, so needing connection is perfectly normal.
Fulfilment:
I can tell you that no person is going to fill that void in your life. That longing to share the happenings of your day with someone each night, or wanting to take someone to that plus one event because you don’t want to be sat at the singles table, this is not a good motivator. No one is going to complete you or live up to the expectations you have of them. Everyone falls short, as it is only God who can fill that void (Rom 3:23). Remember that He created us in his image, meaning that we are created to be in perfect relational harmony with Him and others. If you make your partner your god, your relationship is bound for failure (Rom 12:18, 2 Cor 13:11, Matt 22:37, 1 John 4:10).
Identity:
If you’re thinking that being relationally connected with a certain person will boost your popularity or leverage your social standing, think again. Happiness is not a pursuit of a person; it is the pursuit of joy found in the grace of Jesus Christ (John 15:1-17). Seeking popularity or affirmation from your peers is a path that will lead to certain emptiness, as the substance for relational building is absent. You don’t need approval from the masses, you only need approval from Jesus (Gal 1:10, 1 Thes 2:4).
Contentment:
Do you know where God is leading you in your life? If you are seeking contentment, invite God to fill that space. Consider your career, your location of residence, your friendship groups, your values and your life choices – did you invite God into making the small decisions as well as the big? If not, why not? God wants a relationship with you, and to be intimately involved in your daily happenings. It can be a simple conversation in your mind as you make decisions, for example, as you stand at the clothes rack ask if God thinks that suits your character and is an ideal choice for you; ask what He thinks about that conversation you had with a person at work today, and what He thinks about the food you’re about to eat. Get connected (Psalm 139).
Convenience:
You have the degree, you have the job, you have the car, and now you’re ready to have the partner. Life’s milestones are no longer linear. There are as many paths to walk in our journeys, as there are roads to come back home to Jesus. It’s not as simple as the next thing you do in life, but rather what is God calling you to do right now, and who is He calling you to be? Apply your unique set of gifts and talents to the context around you, in the here and now (Rev 3:20, Eph 2:10).
When you have aligned yourself with God and invited Him into your daily decisions, you may find yourself complete just as you are. Remember that relationships require a lot of energy and prayer, so you need to go into them with the right motives. Because before we can ask for a blessing on our unity with someone, we need to know the God of whom we are asking to bless our relationship. God first, partner second.
AUTHOR: Mel R