It has taken me almost six years to realise that my happiness should not be hindered by the words or actions of other people. It also should not be wholly dependent on someone else – whether that be a friend, family member or significant other. It’s not worth it, trust me. I did just that for almost four years.
My first relationship began when I was fifteen and lasted three and a half years with a four-month break somewhere in the second half. To say it was easy would be a lie.
We may have dated a long time, but it was the fact that I had made him the biggest part of my life that was the problem. He was number one and over everything else in my life, he came first. As sweet and lovely as that sounds, it’s not. Putting other people on a pedestal is dangerous and opens up a lot of space to get hurt.
While I am in a different stage of life now, looking back on those following months after the breakup – it’s safe to say that they were the hardest, most painful months I have experienced so far.
In hindsight though, I learnt three valuable lessons about love.
- A relationship works two ways and you both need to be putting in equal effort.
- Being completely open, honest and real with one another is crucial to communicating how you are feeling.
- Other people don’t define your worth and that there are people out there who love reminding you that you are beautiful, special and valued.
I have realised that for all that time, I had been putting the wrong thing first. God needed to be first in my life and I had my priorities out of line for way too long.
It is so incredibly important to not put worldly things on a pedestal. Love them, love it, love whatever the thing is that is so special to you – but never, ever put it before God.
I guess as cliché as it sounds, you not only learn how to become stronger through heartache, but you also learn that life goes on – and that is exactly what happened. Life went on and I have moved on with a whole new perspective toward all forms of relationships regardless of who they are with.
Now I can confidently say that it has not been easy getting to this point, but I am so incredibly grateful and genuinely happy. So take it from me: your happiness is just that – yours.
Avoid letting other people completely influence how you are feeling. If you are upset, be upset. If you are feeling on top of the world, then share that positive energy with those around you.
But no matter what, you should never have to justify the way you are feeling to anyone (been there, done that and *yawn* waste of time). Just do you!
Keep smiling. x
AUTHOR: Jessica Shipton, Kellyville Seventh-day Adventist Church under the Greater Sydney Conference