This article is really important to me.
Let me just start with a preface. Love is complicated. Love is extremely difficult to explain, and as such aim of this article will be to explain love with regards to the social definition of 2019 and the Biblical definition.
This is gonna be a long one ladies and gents so buckle up – let’s begin!
*In society, “love” is usually used as an adjective to describe an intense feeling of passion towards a person or object.*
Now, at its core, this statement is incredibly hypocritical, and it touches on the first issue I have with societies definition of love:
It’s too broad!
How is it possible that I “love my cat” at the same level as I “love my mum” or “love my wife” (I don’t have one but we’re being hypothetical here). Logically speaking, there should be some sort of spectrum. I must love my wife and my mum more than my cat (sorry Snapper). But this itself presents another issue, if I were to rank these three, how would I choose between my mum and my wife? The answer?
We can’t!
Alright, Shrey you’ve made your point we can’t really define Love in a societal concept. But the Ancient Greeks were very very very smart – inventing things that still haunt students to this day like Pythagoras’ Theorem, philosophy and our favourite – the Olympic Games. So, they had a crack at love. Ancient Greek culture insisted that there were many different types of love, so before we dig into the biblical picture of love – let’s try and reimagine this societal definition in terms of the following six types of love.
The Six types of Love
Philautia – Love of the self
Funnily enough, there are two types of Philautia, one revolves around narcissism and self-obsession, whilst the other revolves around feeling secure in yourself and knowing your self-worth. As Aristotle said,
“All friendly feelings for others are an extension of one’s feeling for themselves.”
The reason I started with this “type” of Love is that I think it’s the most important. This type of love is the foundation upon which everything else is built. If you do not put enough time and effort into manifesting yourself worth whilst you are single (and even whilst you are in a romantic relationship) then the relationship is doomed from the start.
As Pastor Todd from Transformation put it in one of my favourite sermon series (Relationship Goals):
“You’re sick of you being alone, so you think that getting with her will make it better. But she’s sick of her being alone and thinks that being with you will make it better! So now both of y’all are just sick!”
Maximise your singleness – it’s the most important time of your life.
Philia – Deep friendship
Concerning the deep friendship between brothers in arms. Philia encompasses loyalty, sacrifice, openness, and everything that true friendship has.
It’s the type of love that you have with your best friend, your rock, that person you can always rely on to rant to or vent to or just be there – when things are okay, and when they aren’t.
Ludus – Playful love
This type of love is the one that was the most interesting to me. It involves the love common in the first three months of any romantic relationship – the “honeymoon period”. It’s the flirting, teasing, joking.
BUT ludus can also be applied to our friends. It’s the 1 am Maccas trips, the inside jokes, the tears of joy and the endless banter. It’s that special relationship you have with someone when all they can make you do is smile. That’s lupus.
Eros – Sexual passion
Named after the Greek god of love and desire, the next kind of love – Is the love that I believe is most prominent in the current time period that we live in. We live in a perverse society where sex sells, sex has been commercialised and its true meaning and purpose has been lost amongst all the noise. In Greek culture – Eros was considered dangerous, reckless and was often referenced akin to fire – hot, intense, destructive. There’s a thought for the day.
Pragma – Mutual Growth
Pragma is the type of love that you see typical in longstanding married couples or relationships that have lasted a long time (3-4 years). It involves sacrifice, pursuing each other’s goals. It’s almost the opposite of Eros – focusing on reason and dedication rather than the heat of the moment decisions. Focusing on maintaining a long-standing relationship. It’s almost a business transaction – how can two individuals benefit each other continually for as long as possible.
Agape – Unconditional true love
This is my favourite definition of Love that the Greeks described – and it’s the one I hope to one day achieve. Agape love has altruistic tendencies where each individual puts each other first and is constantly outpouring their love and affection by looking out for the other.
Agape is the term that defines God’s love – when he sacrificed his own son for our wellbeing – and his continual forgiveness of our sins.
However, relationships that engage too heavily in Agape and not enough Philautia (love of the self- this is why it’s the most important) may dangerously lead to one’s own needs not being met, filled, or even realised.
Modern Society
As I briefly expressed earlier, in today’s society a lot of the “love” we see falls into the category of Eros or intense Agape ( to the point where it’s negative). We need to start really thinking about why the Greeks had so many words to describe this elusive concept of love, and why we only choose to use one. I submit to you, however, that this societal picture of love is not the picture that is the best pathway for us to take.
The Big Questions:
So, what pathway do I take? What are you saying love is then if it’s not just always Eros and Agape like most of the media portrays it to be? How do I recognise it when I see it?
That my dear reader, will be made clear (hopefully) in part 2 of this series:
The Relationship Reverberation: Love and the Bible
AUTHOR: Shrey Somaiya, attends Gateway SDA Church, Cooranbong NSW.
BLOG: Think About It