From before you were born, you were involved in one of the most important relationships you’ll ever be a part of. Not a romantic relationship—you and your mother had a bond that was formed by the hands of the Creator Himself. And while most are almost completely dependent on this relationship (and potentially the one with a father) for the first several years of their life, some find it so hard to have healthy, functioning relationships with the ones who brought them into the world. Some choose to use the old saying, “You can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family” to explain this burden, and granted, some families can be a crazy! However, difficulty in achieving healthy relationships with family members will affect how we interact with people in other areas of life—whether it be professional, social, or romantic—whether we realise it or not.
It’s ‘easy to do, just as easy not to do.’
So this begs the question: what exactly can we do to create and sustain healthy relationships, not only with family but with all those close to us? What are some positive actions, words, deeds and thoughts that we can actively incorporate into our lives to improve the relationships we already have? And, how can we prevent the relationships we have not yet discovered from becoming debilitating in the future? Put some thought into this summarised list, and see what might work for you.
1. Don’t be a leech
Kendrick Lamar remarks in one of his songs; “I can feel the new people ‘round me just wanna be famous.” Now, I doubt many of you get involved with people, romantically or otherwise, for fame, but the thought is transferable. Relationships are a two-way street. Those that only take from people and contribute nothing are not interacting with others in a positive manner. In fact, they are missing out on one of the greatest joys we as humans can experience—giving! Find people to have in your life that will give as much as you do, and do not just hang around somebody because you want things from them. Including your parents.
2. Talk
The number-one piece of advice most relationship counsellors will give is to communicate with one another. It might just be so cliché you don’t even think about it, but ask yourself this: How often does someone in your life do something, or say something, that annoys you, and you just sit there and take it? No, this isn’t permission to go and pick a fight with everyone (sorry). But it is permission to calmly approach someone you care about and ask why they did what they did. Explain your feelings and reconcile before the situation becomes out of control in your head and things become negative.
3. Practice small things every day
Jeff Olson, one of the world’s most renowned leaders in personal development, believes that “simple productive actions, repeated consistently over time” produce results that will alter your life course in a positive way. In his book, The Slight Edge, he attributes the success of those who have great professional, social and personal lives, as well as the success of healthy relationships, to this phenomenon. Saying a kind word, listening more intently, writing three positives you can find within a relationship or about an individual . . . these are all little things which, done every day, can not only change perspective but bring two people closer. Be warned, however, Olson also says the slight edge can work in the opposite, negative direction: “It’s ‘easy to do, just as easy not to do’.”
4. The fruit of the Spirit
As we know, we have God’s manual for living on earth—the Bible. We were given it for a reason; it has everything we need to know how to live healthy, prosperous and content in all aspects of life. The fruit of the Spirit shows each person we come in contact with that there is something different about each of us, that we belong to Jesus Christ and that we wish to act more like Him. Galatians 5:22,23 provides us with nine characteristics to describe the “fruit” that the Holy Spirit can apply to each relationship we have on earth to ensure we are in keeping with the ways of Jesus. Each of these characteristics could be expanded on by themselves, but in more simple terms, they say this:
LOVE one another, as Jesus loved everyone He came in contact with.
Have JOY in the moment and praise God for it. Be joyful with others, it’s infectious.
Be a PEACE-maker, diffusing conflict with thought not only for yourself but for the other person.
Have PATIENCE with everybody, especially those you love the most, just as Jesus is patient with us as sinners.
KINDNESS goes a long way, even if you may not see it, and it doesn’t cost anything.
Have GOOD thoughts, GOOD words to say and GOOD actions to commit.
Be FAITHFUL to your friends, family and partner, just as you are loyal to God and He is loyal to you.
Be GENTLE with God’s creations, but know the time and place to stand firm for yourself.
Have SELF-CONTROL—be rational and calm when dealing with those you like and don’t like so much.
AUTHOR: Luke Hassan is studying Applied Science/Master of Dietetics at Latrobe University, and loves his car a little too much.